


Honesty in Death

by Chronicler_of_Myriads



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Baby, Brief mentions of Jack and Sam, Cas deserves better than whatever the fuck the writers gave him, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Dean gets his shit together, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Driving, First Kiss, Fix-it!, Fluff, Heaven, Impala, Love Confessions, M/M, Series Finale, angel - Freeform, angst (sorta), castiel - Freeform, cute though, hello dean, no smut or anything, post 15x20, pretty tame, tying up loose ends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:55:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27648497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chronicler_of_Myriads/pseuds/Chronicler_of_Myriads
Summary: Dean stared at him in bafflement. “You’re here!”Cas’s eyes swiveled to him. “I’m here,” he said shakily. “Good job parking.”Dean’s whole body was shaking. Carefully, he reached out a hand towards Cas. His fingers brushed his face. Cas’s skin was warm and alive, and Dean settled his hand on Cas’s shoulder, terrified and grateful for what was happening.It hit Dean all at once. Cas was alive, and he was here in Dean’s car, staring at him like he was a maniac. Maybe he was. Dean didn’t care.--------Dean is dead, and in heaven. But instead of driving to that stupid bridge for his poorly-written reunion with Sam, he gets interrupted along the way.Here is Cas's happy ending, and Dean's too.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 14
Kudos: 197





	Honesty in Death

**Author's Note:**

> Okay folks, I'm not gonna lie, the wrap up of Sam's story was so bland and stupid that I honestly laughed the entire time, but I don't have the energy to write about that right now. So instead, I present to you .... Destiel as it should have been! 
> 
> I kept this pretty canon-compliant, as terrible as the finale was. My poor Deancas heart just wanted some closure, so I hope you all enjoy! (:

The road curved, but rather than slowing, Dean only pushed the gas pedal harder. Centrifugal force pulled him to the left, and he leaned into the turn. The Impala’s engine growled eagerly, and Dean couldn’t help the smile that twinkled in his eyes.

Sure, he was dead—impaled on a damn piece of rebar, of all things—but at least that meant that he wasn’t responsible for saving the world anymore. And now with Chuck gone…the world might not need saving ever again.

Dean turned the wheel as the road curved again, this time in the other direction. He looked out as far as he could down the road. There were only more trees and the sunlight filtering through them. He was as alone as he could be, and that gave him more than enough time to think.

Now that he was in Heaven, he would be able to see everyone he’d lost over the years. The Harvelles and Ash, the original Charlie, Kevin, and so many others. Even just seeing Bobby again, free and well, was incredible. But that didn’t dull the ache of the few who were still missing.

Sam. At least he still had a life to live. Maybe he could go back to school, finally get that law degree. 

Dean chuckled at the thought of Sam sitting in a lecture hall with students half his age. Okay, then, maybe not law school, but at least Sam could settle down, maybe raise a family. Without some douchebag writing out the plot points, Sam could do whatever he wanted with his life.

And then there was Jack, wherever he was. Dean couldn’t fathom that he’d simply…left. 

“Every raindrop, my ass,” Dean grumbled under his breath. 

True, he’d said some brutal things to Jack before the end, but Dean hadn’t meant any of it. He’d wanted to kill Chuck so badly, he would’ve said anything to make it easier for himself to sacrifice his family. That didn’t make it right, but he hoped that Jack knew the truth. 

Dean sighed. “I’m sorry, kid.” 

The road straightened out for a moment, and Dean floored the gas. The Impala lunged forward with a roar, making the seat vibrate. Dean gripped the steering wheel firmly. He wondered what would happen if he crashed in Heaven. He couldn’t die, since he was already dead, and he liked the car too much for her to be permanently banged up. 

He was almost tempted, just to see, but too many years of real life on earth kept him from it. Instead, he leaned into yet another curve.

His thoughts went to the third person who was missing. 

He tried to push the memories away, but they swarmed him anyway, squeezing his throat and forcing tears into his eyes. Dammit, he was in Heaven! He shouldn’t be crying!

Angrily, he wiped the tears away with his sleeve cuff before they fell. Cas’s words echoed in Dean’s head, and Dean clenched his jaw, trying to ignore them.

_You are the most selfless, caring human being I will ever know._

“Shut up,” Dean grunted weakly.

_I love you._

Dean took a deep breath, looking angrily down the road. He thought back to what Bobby had said. Cas had helped fix Heaven. Dean had assumed in the moment that he had meant before, sometime, but that didn’t make sense. Heaven hated Cas, not that Dean could really blame them. They’d never let him help with anything unless Jack was the one in charge.

So…could Cas be…?

Dean wanted to squish down the hope that exploded in his chest. Cas was in the Empty. He was dead. Dead and in a different afterlife. He was gone.

But Jack had loved Cas too; he would have never left Cas there to rot. Bringing him back would have been the first things he’d done as God. 

Hating himself for being so afraid, Dean swallowed. “Cas?”

His eyes were locked on the road, curving yet again. He couldn’t bear to look away, both for fear of crashing and of being disappointed.

Dean jumped nearly through the windshield as he heard the familiar flutter.

“Hello, Dean.”

The brakes squealed loudly as Dean stomped on them, and the rear end of the Impala spun out, swinging the car wildly from left to right as Dean struggled to pull over. He turned the wheel wildly, fighting for control of the car. 

When they did stop moving, the car sat perpendicular across the road, blocking any potential traffic. Dean didn’t care; he turned the engine off. His heart raced in his chest, but not from nearly wiping out.

In the passenger seat, Cas’s eyes were wide, and he clutched the back of the seat with one hand and the door with the other. He was panting slightly, completely frozen in his seat.

Dean stared at him in bafflement. “You’re here!”

Cas’s eyes swiveled to him. “I’m here,” he said shakily. “Good job parking.”

Dean’s whole body was shaking. Carefully, he reached out a hand towards Cas. His fingers brushed his face. Cas’s skin was warm and alive, and Dean settled his hand on Cas’s shoulder, terrified and grateful for what was happening.

It hit Dean all at once. Cas was alive, and he was here in Dean’s car, staring at him like he was a maniac. Maybe he was. Dean didn’t care.

Snaking his arm around the back of Cas’s shoulders, Dean pried Cas out of the corner and pulled him into his arms harder than he ever had in his life. Cas melted completely, embracing Dean as well, and Dean buried his face in the side of Cas’s neck. 

Now Dean was crying for real, hot tears squeezing past his closed eyelids. His breath came difficult to him. It didn’t sound like Cas was breathing at all.

“Dean?” he asked, his voice timid despite his arms keeping Dean pinned tightly against him.

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

Dean made a sound that could have been a snort or a sob. “No.” He pulled out of Cas’s arms, though he kept his hands on his shoulders, looking at him with amazement. “Yes.”

Cas smiled halfheartedly. “Is that good?”

Dean bit his lip, trying not to ugly cry. Cas didn’t need to see that after just getting back from Angel Hell. “You were dead, man. Jack brought you back?”

Cas nodded. “When he came to Heaven, he pulled me out.” His smile became more convincing. “The Entity wasn’t too pleased, but there’s nothing it can do now. Jack’s looking out for us.”

The tears streaking down Dean’s face were annoying, but Dean didn’t want to look away from Cas long enough to dry them, or to move his hands from his shoulders. Cas was really back. It wasn’t just Chuck fucking with him again, like with that dog. This was real. 

A silence grew between them, heavy with the weight of what Cas had said before the Empty had taken him. Dean wanted to say something. He needed to make it right, to let Cas know that it was okay. He’d tell him that there wasn’t going to be any awkwardness between them, that they were still friends, that Dean wouldn’t think differently of him…

Dean cut off his train of though before it burrowed him too deeply in denial. He was dead, for fuck’s sake. Who cared anymore what anyone thought? If he couldn’t be honest in death, then what kind of shitty person was he?

“Cas, I…” he started, trying to find the words. How did someone sum up a lifetime of feelings?

Cas squinted at him, looking concerned. “Dean?” 

Dean swallowed heavily. Now or never. “I’m sorry I let you think that I didn’t care.”

Cas’s concerned vanished. “What are you talking about?” 

“When you…said you loved me…you said it like it was something I wouldn’t want to hear. I’m sorry for that.”

Cas looked out the windshield. “I didn’t think it was.”

“Well, I guess it wasn’t, but that’s not what I mean,” Dean tried again, his stomach squirming at how badly this was going. “I’m just saying that it wasn’t…it wasn’t just you, man. I…”

Damn it, damn it, just say it! 

Cas was looking at him again with a strange light in his eyes. He’d gone very still. “What do you mean?”

“You said it was something you can’t have,” Dean said, new tears leaking from his eyes. “That’s not true. Not at all.” Dean swallowed again, gritting his teeth. “I love you too.”

Cas stared at him sadly. “Dean, I know you do. I’m not sure you understood what I meant—”

“Shut up, man,” Dean cut him off. “I know what you meant. And I’m telling you that I love you. I’m trying to do the right thing here.”

Another silence took them. Cas stared, and Dean wished he knew what he was thinking.

After a while, Cas whispered, “You can’t. I’ve waited years, Dean. You never said anything.”

That was true. Every time the two of them had gotten close, Dean had backed away. He’d been afraid. Of what, he wasn’t sure. Judgement, maybe? His dead father. Too many years of denying his thoughts and feelings; it had become natural. 

But Cas hadn’t been there, all the times he’d died. Those had been the periods when Dean had let himself go, mourning and drowning. Dean had carried around Cas’s trench coat for months after the Leviathan had taken him, shuttling it from random car to random car, keeping it safe for an owner who Dean had thought was never coming back.

Dean had drunk himself into oblivion more times than he could count, given up on life completely. Life without Cas was worth nothing. 

And Cas had never known that side of Dean, because he’d been dead.

“I’m sorry,” Dean whispered, “I know I’ve been a dick.”

Cas looked at him with a weird mixture of glee and sorrow. “An understatement.”

Dean frowned. “Hey, I thought you loved me.”

“Well, that doesn’t mean you don’t drive me insane,” Cas replied, a small smile ghosting his face. He hesitated. “Do you really feel the same way?”

“That you drive me insane?” Dean chuckled. “Absolutely. But yeah. I do.”

Now there were tears in Cas’s eyes. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“I guess I was scared. I’m sorry.” Dean slid his hands from the tops of Cas’s shoulders to cradle his neck. “I’m so sorry.”

The tears in Cas’s eyes fell. “When was the last time you said that?”

“Hey,” Dean objected, not really meaning it.

Cas chuckled, but it trailed off quickly. Instead, he simply looked at Dean. In his eyes was reflected the same tragic love that had been there when the Empty had taken him, along with something else.

Grinning inwardly at his cleverness, Dean murmured, “You know Cas, the last time someone looked at me like that, I got laid.”

Instantly, Cas broke into indignant laughter. “You’re the worst.”

Dean smiled, but didn’t reply, instead pulling Cas closer. Cas responded eagerly, sliding across the bench seat until their knees were knocking together awkwardly. Dean ignored it. 

Their noses brushed gently, and then they were kissing. Dean wasn’t sure what he’d expected, kissing a dude, but it wasn’t this. Kissing a guy was the same as kissing a woman, except this wasn’t just anyone. It was Cas, and that made it all the better.

Cas’s lips were soft, and his breath was hot on Dean’s face. Dean pulled him even closer, his whole body thrilling over and over again. 

Cas wound his left hand into Dean’s hair, his right going to grip his thigh. His tongue brushed the seam of Dean’s lips, and Dean let him in eagerly. Cas’s inexperience was pretty obvious, but Dean was more than willing to demonstrate. 

But it didn’t seem that Cas cared to be instructed in anything. He pushed Dean back until they were laying flat on the seat, Cas lying between Dean’s legs. 

Dean chuckled. “Someone’s eager.”

“Aren’t you?” Cas replied, sliding a hand under Dean’s shirt and up his chest. 

Much as he hated to do it, Dean stopped him. “I am. But not right now. I’m still…getting used to it, I guess.”

Cas looked a little disappointed, but he smiled anyway. “I understand.” He started to climb off of Dean, but Dean grabbed him before he could, winding his arms around his back. 

“Stay a moment, cowboy.”

Cas relaxed against Dean’s chest, laying his head on Dean’s shoulder and nuzzling into his neck. Dean stared up at the beige roof of the car, his heart thumping in his chest and wondering how everything had changed so quickly.

But it was a good change, for once. He was in Heaven, he had his car, and in his arms was the man he’d been telling himself he didn’t love for a decade. But death had brought clarity. Bobby had said that time worked differently here, so maybe waiting for Sam wouldn’t be as agonizing as Dean feared. 

He had Cas to pass the time with, and a dozen other familiar faces from the past. No more responsibility to humanity, and no more memories in Heaven to relive over and over. No more walls. Dean could live a proper life now. He’d thought it would be on earth, but this was alright too. 

Cas’s voice rumbled against Dean’s chest. “What are you thinking about?”

“I thought you could read my mind.”

“Longing and prayer, I can hear. Otherwise, I stay out.”

Dean smiled and shifted Cas a little on his chest to a more comfortable spot. “I’m happy you’re here. That’s what I was thinking.”

“I love you,” Cas said quietly.

“I love you too,” Dean replied without hesitation.

To Dean’s surprise, Cas propped himself up on his elbows, leaning in to kiss Dean again sweetly. Then he sat upright, scooting back over to sit on his side of the car. Patting Dean’s knee, he said, “Let’s go.”

Dean lifted his head to look at him. “I wasn’t going anywhere, just driving.”

Cas tilted his head in acquiescence. “Then let’s drive.” He held a hand out to Dean.

Dean took it, pulling himself upright. “Okay.” He turned the key in the ignition, and the Impala grumbled awake. Dean put her in gear, looking around briefly at the road before turning the car in the right direction.

Then he took his right hand off the steering wheel, reaching across to the passenger seat. Cas placed his own hand in Dean’s and squeezed once, looking ahead down the road all the while.

They drove on, and Dean found that he couldn’t stop smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for any formatting issues! I had to get this out of my system without proofreading overmuch.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
